A Sign of Magnanimity.

by Sarah Steele 

Last week I walked into a shop to grab a quick slice of pizza. While it was warming up in the oven, I began chatting with the store owners, Anna and Tony. They helped me practice my Italian and told me a little bit about themselves. They even let me snap a few pictures of them around their shop. When my pizza came out of the oven, we had a few more laughs and I left.

I got all the way home and sat down to eat before having a startling realization: I had failed to pay! I rushed back to the shop, embarrassed by my mistake, worried the couple thought I had swindled them. When I came back and apologized, they acted as if the idea of paying was preposterous. I was insistent, but they went so far as to cover the menu prices. They flat out refused my money.

I thanked them, promised to return and pay double, but reflected on the experience. I come from a country that values profit and personal responsibility - by not paying, I was violating both of these principles. But Anna and Tony hail from a culture that emphasizes these principles significantly less, and values personal connection above the dollar. On the cultural mismatch scale, we were in the realm of covert culture. They seemed to be confused and even a little annoyed by my insisting to pay, but I felt confusion and guilt by not. Perhaps my tendency towards guilt in such a situation is a bit idiosyncratic, but the culture from which I hail has covertly taught me that not paying could be seen as taking advantage of my new friends, and theirs has taught them to give freely as a sign of magnanimity.